Are You Busy Being Born?

When I was a teenager I knew everything.  My mother and everyone else around me was naïve and foolish.  Now I’m the dad…my boys are 22, 17, and 16.  It amazes me some days how much intelligence and perception I’ve lost in 20 years.  Now I’m the naïve and foolish one…just ask my sons.

Last summer we took my two younger sons to Hershey Park in Pennsylvania.  We arrived at the park around 1:00 with other family members and agreed to meet for dinner and further direction at 5:00.  It seems Pat (age 17) had better things to do at 5:00 than connect with his family, as agreed to confirm plans for the evening.  If that was YOUR daughter my hormonally challenged son was with all day….let’s talk.

To make a long story shorter…we didn’t find Pat before we left the park at 8:30.  The park closed at 10:00.  Pat arrived at our hotel (10 minutes from the park) at 1:15 am, claiming he had been “hanging out” with a girl he met in line from 1:00 until 9:00 pm.  He went on to tell me he looked for our van (white with purple elephant’s all over it) in the parking lot from 9 until 1:00.  Hmmm, empty parking lot, white van with purple elephants…am I unfair to think 4 HOURS is a bit long to connect that it isn’t there?  I could only look at my dear son and confirm that I had not REALLY been born yesterday…and that I had been a teenager once too.

We were all born once…and not yesterday either.  Being born…that’s really what this piece is about.  Our own mortality is one of those things we can’t control…we can influence it…but not control it.  From the very moment we enter the world kicking and screaming, we begin getting closer to the day we leave the world.  Put differently, those who are not busy being born are busy dying.

Some people die at 70 who were dead at 35.  We can’t control our own mortality, but we can control how alive we are for the years we have.  Do you know anyone who has ceased to learn and grow?  There’s no such thing as standing still… if you’re not moving ahead… you’re falling behind.  It’s sad to see people “check out early” from this wonderful adventure called life.  It’s sad when people think they know it all too.

At a recent industry trade show, a well known industry personality walked by a group of attendees who were talking as a group.  One member turned to another and asked “Is _______ really as important as they think they are?”  “Only in their  own mind” was the chorus of a response.  When we think we know it all we show our ignorance and lack of maturity.  When we think of ourselves as important…we lessen our ability to make the real connections that can change our lives and the lives of others.

Twenty years ago when I was “smarter” and feeling particularly puffed up and proud, my wise friend Ray taught me a lesson about considering myself overly important.  “Think about a bucket of water” Ray said.  “Now take out one drop…and watch how long it takes to fill the hole.”

We all start as students in life.  With the help of loving teachers and peers we learn to walk and feed ourselves, first our physical bodies…then our minds.  As students we are busy being born intellectually through education.  Then at some point, virtually all of us become “teachers” in one role or many.  We may be a parent, a supervisor, a volunteer coordinator, a sales trainer, or a speaker.  Many of us take off our student cap when we put on the robes of a teacher.  Continued growth comes when we can comfortably wear the robe of a teacher and the cap of a student…it took me nearly 40 years to learn that lesson.

I first met John ____ in the gate area for our flight home after the Dallas show… it was 1998, and John was in his mid 80’s.  John excitedly told my wife and me, “Do you know, I first sold imprinted calendars in 1937?”  After a pleasant conversation, we boarded the plane and went our separate ways.  I next saw John a year ago at the Expo in Dallas.  As I presented a session on self-promotions, John quietly raised his hand to ask a question.  After addressing his question, the teacher became the student as John shared one of life’s great lessons.  I mentioned to John how enriching it was to see someone of his years attending industry education sessions and actively participating.  John’s reply was simply:  “I can never get enough education, I’m always learning and growing.”  In his late 80’s, John was clearly busy being born.

As I exited my classroom and rejoined the flow of Expo traffic, I overheard a woman in her 30’s explaining to a friend why she wasn’t taking any education sessions:  “I got my CAS 3 years ago so I know everything they’re teaching here… I won’t ever need to take another class in this industry.”  This industry person was busy dying – or already dead, in today’s competitive environment.

As a teenager I knew all the answers to all the questions.  As I entered my twenties I still knew most of the answers to most of the questions.  By the time I finished my master’s degree I realized I only knew a few of the answers.  More disturbing still, I only knew a few of the right questions.  As I return to school at 39, I hope to learn how to ask the right questions so I can spend of the rest of my life looking for answers.

As I write these words I am flying home from San Antonio and the first ever education only event in our industry.  232 people spent 3 days and significant resources in pursuit of continued education.  If you missed Academy 2000, you have two opportunities in 2001.  In addition to education academies, there are many options for continued growth and development in our wonderful industry.

Thanks Pat, Ray, John, and _______ for your lessons in lifelong learning.  May we all always be busy being born.